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Sunday, May 15, 2005

There's a guy on Rivals who posts on the various Big Ten boards as "Lester Diamond." He generally posts on the impending rise of Indiana football in outlandish and stunning fashion. He's clearly a schtick played for laughs. Or, at least I thought it was clear.

His latest work appeared on the Penn State Rivals board and is copied here for posterity's sake:

Sources in the IU athletic department report that Penn State quarterback Anthony Morelli is indeed "very interested" in transferring to Indiana. Morelli is said to be "disheartened" at the prospect of playing in coach Joe Paterno's "outdated,archaic" offense. He believes the free-wheeling,point-a-minute offense of Coach Terry Hoeppner would be a natural fit for his ample skills. Insiders believe Morelli could win multiple Heismans and national titles piloting Coach Hep's spread attack. Allowing the transfer would signal a change in Coach Hep's "no-transfer" rule, as he previously dissuaded prize recruits Derrick Williams and Justin King from switching their allegiance to IU.

It is reported that Coach Hep engaged in a "heated exchange"(that began as an argument over the merits of the forward pass) with Paterno at a Chicago coaching clinic and the two had to be separated by fellow attendees. This may explain the abrupt change in Coah Hep's thinking. Adding fuel to the rumor is a recent trip Hoeppner took to State College. Insiders say that Hoeppner,ostensibly in town for an arm-wrestling tournament,met with Morelli and the two had an "involved,heart-to-heart discussion". Neither athletic department will comment publicly on the situation.
This is obviously a joke, and replies like "Nice work Les... appreciate the comic relief" and "not bad, I needed a laugh today" immediately popped up in the thread. Unfortunately for the editors of the Westmoreland Tribune-Review, crack Penn State beat writer Sam Ross, Jr. failed to pick up on this subtlety:
Morelli doesn't expect to be redshirted this year, but that doesn't prevent rumors from springing up on the message boards, like the one that recently had him transferring to Indiana of the Big Ten, ostensibly over his disappointment with his lot at Penn State.
Wow. Wow. Someone post a rumor that I've been hired by

(hat tip: Matt Pargoff on The Wolverine.)