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Friday, September 16, 2005

Crank Yanker Dan Connor has been reinstated by Penn State. He'll probably miss this weekend's game against [RANDOM DIRECTIONAL SCHOOL] but can practice and I'm betting... one million dollars that he will play in the Lions' Big Ten opener.

Dear Angelique Chengelis: In response to your headlined query "Could early loss be a blessing?" I would like act as proxy for the entire Michigan fanbase and respond:


The Largest Set of Alumni on the Planet, Plus All Those Downriver Mullet Guys

Blogs will rescue us from our persistent depressive state. The Georgia Sports Blog waxes on about the proverbial "meteor game":

This Saturday, fathers will be helping impressionable minds grasp the notion that when watching Tennessee play Florida, you don’t root for either team to win; you root for an enormous asteroid to make the journey from its natural habitat in a belt between Mars and Jupiter to an orange and blue den of iniquity in Gainesville, Florida, picking up horrific speed along the way.
I think they're a little overeager, though:
Son: “So, I think I get it. But how big a meteor are we rooting for, Daddy?”

Father: “Son, we’re rooting for the kind of meteor you hire Aerosmith to write a song about.”
Um... don't we want sort of a tactical meteor hit? Like something the size of five or six buses strapped together? An Aerosmith-level meteor required Ben Affleck to screw Liv Tyler and thereby save the world from Total Destruction(!), and, while said item would indeed wipe out the Florida and Tennessee football teams, it would pretty much wipe everything else out too--incidental damage when you live in the south, I guess. I keed, I keed. We've got a meteor game this weekend: Michigan State versus Notre Dame, though I don't think the problematic MSU basketball team will be in attendance, unfortunately. Nor will Ryan Miller.

Boom! is the Madden catchphrase and is also what IBFC has lowered on the purveyor of things you already know. This brings up something I've desperately wanted to see for a long time: Frank Caliendo televising football. I know Dennis Miller flamed out, but Caliendo does a Madden impression that would be A) no dumber than the regular Madden, B) hilarious, and C) somewhat likely to clown-down the Big Useless.

Save me Gloria Estefan!
Evidence of difference? You are invited to extrapolate the hell out of the differences between this recent Gator-to-Gator interface and the Michigan version, which was much more dour. Carr ruminations have been popping up on a regular basis over the past week, and by "ruminations" I mean "futile suggestions that INS deport the man." It's a tough question, not that resolving it is useful. Even if I came to the conclusion that Carr needed to go, I'm just a guy with a blog. No, to effect real change in a university administration, you need a message board.