Crank Yanker Dan Connor has been reinstated by Penn State. He'll probably miss this weekend's game against [RANDOM DIRECTIONAL SCHOOL] but can practice and I'm betting... one million dollars that he will play in the Lions' Big Ten opener.
Dear Angelique Chengelis: In response to your headlined query "Could early loss be a blessing?" I would like act as proxy for the entire Michigan fanbase and respond:
JESUS GOD NO WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE WRONG WITH YOU ARE YOU DYING I BET YOU'RE DYING I'M SO SORRY
The Largest Set of Alumni on the Planet, Plus All Those Downriver Mullet Guys
Blogs will rescue us from our persistent depressive state. The Georgia Sports Blog waxes on about the proverbial "meteor game":
This Saturday, fathers will be helping impressionable minds grasp the notion that when watching Tennessee play Florida, you don’t root for either team to win; you root for an enormous asteroid to make the journey from its natural habitat in a belt between Mars and Jupiter to an orange and blue den of iniquity in Gainesville, Florida, picking up horrific speed along the way.I think they're a little overeager, though:
Son: “So, I think I get it. But how big a meteor are we rooting for, Daddy?”Um... don't we want sort of a tactical meteor hit? Like something the size of five or six buses strapped together? An Aerosmith-level meteor required Ben Affleck to screw Liv Tyler and thereby save the world from Total Destruction(!), and, while said item would indeed wipe out the Florida and Tennessee football teams, it would pretty much wipe everything else out too--incidental damage when you live in the south, I guess. I keed, I keed. We've got a meteor game this weekend: Michigan State versus Notre Dame, though I don't think the problematic MSU basketball team will be in attendance, unfortunately. Nor will Ryan Miller.
Father: “Son, we’re rooting for the kind of meteor you hire Aerosmith to write a song about.”
Boom! is the Madden catchphrase and is also what IBFC has lowered on the purveyor of things you already know. This brings up something I've desperately wanted to see for a long time: Frank Caliendo televising football. I know Dennis Miller flamed out, but Caliendo does a Madden impression that would be A) no dumber than the regular Madden, B) hilarious, and C) somewhat likely to clown-down the Big Useless.
Save me Gloria Estefan!