Vision Quest

My friend Kit, once mentioned that he loved the occasional blog flamewars that popped up--the Nancy Clark thing, GSBBS05, etc--so, Kit: this Bud's for you. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that that CYA Guide thing started a vast and far ranging comment flamewar. I should know better than to start this stuff--it's like scheduling Eastern Michigan--but stuff been started. Sorry kids, I had a vision thrust upon me after reading these ripostes from HP:

Well, ny1995, I have been linked three times by Feldman. Want to know why? Because he reads my blog. He links to me because I have a different point of view on things, not because I am rubber stamping what he has to say. And there are a lot of things that he writes that have originated from me that he doesn't link or reference me on. Same goes with several other writers.

and then...

Ot's irrelevant what he said about me. The point is he cared enough about what I said to point others in my direction to read it. Why do you think he doesn't link to MGO Blog? Because his readers--people who care about college football--would not be interested.

Look man, there are plenty of things that Feldman has written that come from me. I'm not going to divulge them because I respect him. Let's put it this way: I never said that all the things he gets from me is stuff that is written on my blog.

Okay, we get it: you are a low-level USC Sports Information Department flunky. Reporters call you. This is how I envision those conversations going:

(a phone rings.)
HP: Hello, you've reached the very lowest echelon of the USC athletic department. How may I be of service?
BRUCE FELDMAN: (aside) Goddammit, not this guy again. Hi. It's Bruce Feldman. I was looking to set up an inter--
HP: BRUCE! MY MAN!
BF: Yes?
HP: I have got the greatest idea for you. Something that really sets the parameters of debate, you know, something that really pushes the envelope...
BF: And?
HP: You're supposed to say "hit me with it."
BF: Really, I just need an intervie--
HP: Hit me with it.
BF: I mean, seriously, I work for ESP--
HP: HIT ME WITH IT!
BF: (aside) I swear to God... Hit me with it.
HP: I need a little more than that. It's a really great idea. I need to feel it, Brucey.
BF: (aside) I'm asking Shapiro for a raise. Hit me with it!
HP: Okay, okay, okay. This is fantastic: did you know that USC Reggie Bush's last name is "Bush"?
BF: Uh... yeah.
HP: Okay, yeah, you know what's going on. You're hip to the grindstone, man. But... did you know that the President's last name is ALSO "Bush"?
BF: Uh... yeah.
HP: Okay, yeah, I suppose you're a journalist, good to know, President's name and all that. But did you know that people around here call Reggie Bush "The President"? You can keep that one. Use it, man, I won't tell people you got it from me.
BF: Great. Can I talk to someone else?
HP: Who? Matt Leinart? I talked to him once. He's dreamy.
BF: I don't care who. Who's next to you?
HP: Eduardo the janitor. He's from El Salvador.
BF: He's great. Put him on. Real human interest there.
HP: He doesn't speak English.
BF: That's okay, trust me. The impact of college athletics on an El Salvadorean everyman. I can see it on the cover of ESPN the Magazine right now.
EDUARDO: Hola? Quien es eso?
BF: Ay de mi! Quien es el hombre muy estupido?
EDUARDO: No se.
BF: Puedo hablar con Matt Leinart?
EDUARDO: Si, un momento.

AND SCENE!