Please Excuse Me While I Un-Bury Myself

Returning to the vast, information-laden plains of the Internet after a significant time off is always a terrifying experience, especially when Bloglines shows you posts in the mid-four digits. As such, I am awash in a sea of virtual paper, attempting to figure out just what the hell happened over the last five days, ruthlessly skimming things that deserve much more. I transcribe my attempts to figure out things below.

What did happen?

OMG Pistons. Check. Covered.

OMG Oilers. Up 2-0 and cruising against Anaheim. Edmonton's main drag is mass chaos; Northern Alberta declares martial law; girlfriend endorses playoff beard. Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!

OMG Baseball. Won the Big Ten championship and by virtue of said feat will host the conference playoffs, which start tomorrow. Michigan faces the winner of Minnesota and Illinois at seven on Thursday... MGoBlog field trip?

OMG Softball. Jennie Ritter and company won their regional and now head to the super regional against Tennessee -- EDSBS would like to remind you that Phil Fulmer is very, very fat -- this weekend. Games are Saturday and Sunday at noon and one, respectively, on ESPN.

OMG Bloggggz(!). Hope you're reading Maize 'n' Brew for your daily Internet insulin, as Dave went flapjack nuts in my absence and continues to do so today. Of note from his latest post:

The softball field will be expanded from its current 1,300 seat base to a whopping 3,100 seats.

Will Michigan be the first school in the country with better average attendance at softball games than men's basketball? And would we get some sort of Title IX plaque commemorating such an achievement?

Also, Johnny went nuclear on Notre Dame; SMQB expands on an interesting Boston Globe article about the "art of sports". Presumably not Schlichter.

Just plain OMG. Further proving that no matter the topic, there is a sportswriter somewhere who will take an asinine stance for attention, Matt Hayes gets out his chide-stick and applies it to Michigan fans for being crabby about Carr; Winged Helmet's affiliated blog takes the chide-stick and batters old horseface with it. I'm not against Lloyd Carr, but I am against both ignorance and its earth-bound avatar Matt Hayes.

Not OMG At All. Someone at Michigan State was booted from the team for felony possession of a controlled substance. This time it's defensive back Cole Corey.

OMG Box. Hur hur hur.

Er. The regents approved Bill Martin's diabolical plan to slaughter an orphanage renovate Michigan stadium. Noted man-who-hypnotizes-newspapers John Pollack: displeased. Joey: ready to defecate down the esophagus of Pollack's beheaded corpse.