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Wednesday, September 06, 2006

It's like the BlogPoll except for people. It's like the Heisman except with no prestige. It's like Tom Selleck except without a mustache. It's... MaxwellPundit!

1. Calvin Johnson, Georgia Tech

Obvs. That is one large, frightening man and if he wasn't saddled with a refugee from the Lollipop Guild at quarterback and a man more boring than Lloyd Carr as his coach he would probably break all sorts of records, not to mention the bones of those who feebly try to oppose him.

2. Garrett Wolfe, Northern Illinois

The size of an molecule and as hard to pin down as one, Wolfe racked up nigh 300 yards against Ohio State. Last year he ripped Michigan for 150 yards. MAC teams cower in fear when electron microscopes confirm his presence in-stadium. He is good. Nay, great. HEAR ME, UNCARING MAC-IGNORING HORDES.

3. Buster Davis, FSU

Sure, he waddles everywhere. There's some duck in his genetic heritage. But that is one enormously pissed-off duck. Kyle Wright can no longer watch Looney Tunes without wetting himself.

4. Lamarr Woodley, Michigan

Good god, y'all. He's been very good the past couple years. As the leader of an energized defense featuring Ron English being awesome, he could singlehandedly restore my faith in humanity. Manbearstudfreak.

5. Glenn Sharpe, Miami

Maybe I'm overrating a player who had the benefit of knowing what route ("hopeful jump ball") Jeff Bowden was going to call on every pass play, but when it looks like you're the one running the route half the time, you're good. The only completions on Sharpe were on horrifically misthrown balls, which fortunately for Florida State were not in short supply.