A Totally Real Interview With ESPN Personality Jay Mariotti That I Would Like To Emphasize Is Really Real And Not Fictional In Any Way Whatsoever

MGoBlog has been fortunate enough to snag the finest talent at ESPN for a no-holds-barred interview about life at the WWL. I cannot stress this enough: this interview is totally real. This guy actually said all these things and I can totally prove it, except not right now.

Remember: this is not fictional in any way. At all.

Hi. Great to have you here. As you no doubt know, Jason Whitlock's controversial interview with The Big Lead led to his summary termination as an ESPN writer/talky-person/designated Jeff George proponent. Do you think his firing was warranted?

Jay Mariotti: Did he call someone a fag? That's intolerable.

Uh... no. Didn't you read the interview in question?

Jay Mariotti: Who was it written by?

It's an interview. It's not "written" by anyone per se. But it involves J--

JM: --ay Mariotti? That guy can write.

No.

JM: Well, then I obviously haven't read it.

Uh... anyway. In it he levels some pretty harsh charges of "bojangling" -- whatever that is -- at Scoop Jackson and calls Mike Lupica an "insecure, mean-spirited busybody"--

JM: Dude, that's nothing. Ozzie Guillen called me a fag.

--and do you think ESPN was correct to terminate their relationship with Whitlock?

JM: Who? Did he call me a fag? That's probably why get got fired. Mess with the Mariotti, get the horns.

Do you have any opinions of Lupica?

JM: That guy's a fag. I hear that the only way he can get an erection is by slitting the throat of a baby goat.

Also, ESPN upper management is running an elaborate sex-slavery operation that has robbed Lithuania of 50% of its preteen girls. They also think Carrot Top is funny.

This isn't going to affect my relationship with the network, is it?

No way, man! You're Jay Mariotti!

JM: You're damn straight I am.