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Friday, October 27, 2006

There are few iron-clad rules when it comes to this blog, but here's one: when you make your entire post a pitch-perfect homage to Alton Brown, you get a link. In a really big font:

Pickin' On The Big Ten

Why? Because Alton Brown is the kind of man who goes to the hardware store to make barbecue. That's why. Because his sort of do-it-yourself spirit is the cooking analog of blogging. And because when he makes fajitas he puts the meat directly on hot charcoal.

How do you know something is the grand-bull-moose of terrible ideas? Well, it's a start if both Dennis Dodd and Matt Zemek think it's clever. If calculus was the world's lamest nickname, one of these guys would be Lame Nickname Newton and the other Lame Nickname Leibnitz. Dodd:
They call them the "English Majors," even though there aren't any on the Michigan defense. The nickname is a tribute to new defensive coordinator Ron English.
No, "they" don't. No one calls them that. Are these the same they that wanted Lloyd Carr fired? The same they that are strenously against Michigan luxury boxes?

To Michigan fans: if you weren't Michigan fans or Big Ten fans, would you still rate the Penn State win as impressive? The Nittany Lions scored just one offensive touchdown against Illinois... the same amount of offensive touchdowns scored against your truly wonderful defense, which shall now be known as the "English Majors."
No, it shall not. Dude... dude... I've got this rad idea for a nickname for Michigan's offense: the "Hart Attack." OMG LOL. And then we could call Mario Manningham "Super Mario" OMG LOL. OMG. LOL.

And they start to turn. Weis E. Coyote is beginning to grate on members of the media. His pity party about Notre Dame's drop in the polls after miraculously escaping UCLA caught the attention of Stewart Mandel (who I've figured out, BTW: he's really irritating when he writes anything about a team you support; that same quality makes his articles about rivals gold, Jerry. Gold!):
How, he wonders, did the Irish get passed by both a Tennessee team that needed a last-minute rally itself to survive Alabama and a Florida team that didn't even play?

It's a valid question.

Then again, one could also ask another legitimate question in regards to the situation: How on earth were the Vols and Gators ranked behind Notre Dame in the first place?

Climbing on board the bash-wagon is DJ Gallo of Page 2:
Hey, care to know what befuddles me, Charlie? How the head coach of Notre Dame, a program which has consistently been overrated and ranked higher than it deserved to be for more than a decade -- and for most of the past century -- has the audacity to complain about polls. I mean … wow! That more than befuddles me.
I notice far fewer articles about Weis healing the sick and turning a meal for five into one for five thousand (then eating that, natch) these days and more pointing out that Weis and big games go together like peanut butter and cancer.

If you'd like a horrfying image of Weis' face photoshopped onto a baby's body (probably -- it could just be a tabloid candid), the MZone has you covered. And you need therapy.

Etc.: Article on FB commit Vince Helmuth.