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Aussie Aussie Aussie! I think the most momentous thing that happened when I was gone was this bizarre thing you've probably already seen:

GAZING up at a huge locker-room poster of John Sattler, Lloyd Carr shakes his head as he's told the story of a 1972 grand final so fierce the bloody Souths captain was chaired off with a ripped Rabbitohs badge and a broken jaw.

You are probably wondering what the hell language this is. Well, it's Australian. Now you are probably wondering what the hell Lloyd Carr is doing in Australia. Well:

But this week Carr has done just that [envision the pad-free violence of Aussie Rules], after spending seven days with Souths at the invitation of co-owner Russell Crowe.

And now you're probably just wondering "what the hell?"

The man who brought you "Fightin' Round The World"...



... and Lloyd Carr are so happy together, Turtles style. No doubt this stems from Carr's deployment of Cinderella Man as a motivational tactic last year but... still. Weird.

And when even I have to get a small chuckle out of their gushing description of Carr...

Most Australians have probably never heard of Lloyd Carr. Not unless you are a fan of American college football.

There, in the wildly popular arena of US college sports, Carr is nothing short of a living legend.

As head coach of the University of Michigan Wolverines since 1995, Carr is the "winningest" college football coach in the States and as big a name as they come.

Think Wayne Bennett in Brisbane. Then multiply by 20.

...certain other fanbases must have fallen out of their chairs. We're bigger than Wayne Bennett in Brisbane, bitches!

The Ann Arbor News has a take, as well.

Masbach. A little while ago this space had a brief blurb on the strange existence of former Michigan quarterback Scott Driesbach, who is now 30 and playing QB and LB(!) for Columbus in the Arena League. Now the Dispatch has an (unnecessarily hectoring at times) article on the star-crossed Michigan alum.

Also, the Boston Globe has an article on another player struck down by Mildly Peeved Dispenser of Extreme Fates to Michigan Quarterbacks God: Matt Gutierrez, now in possession of a two-year, 655k contract from the Patroits. Inevitable Tom Brady comparisons... go!

Recruiting aside: I removed PA LB Andrew Sweat from the board when he dropped Michigan out of his top five. It turns out we're not quite dead:

“I really like Ohio State, Michigan and Notre Dame. And also Penn State and maybe LSU or Florida.”

But we pretty much are:

Sweat went on to say that when he narrows the schools down to three, Ohio State will be a finalist, “Ohio State will be one of them. Ohio State and Notre Dame are one and two-equal right now. Then most likely I’ll pick either Michigan or Penn State.” From our sources, it will surprising if Jim Tressel and Ohio State don’t land Sweat.

I'm not putting him back on the board, but be advised. Also of note from that post is this unsubstantiated nugget on totally shirtless PA LB Shayne Hale:

The other top linebacker prospect in the WPIAL is Shayne Hale from Gateway. PSI believes that he’s a Michigan lean right now.

Hale hasn't given any indication he's leaning either way strongly elsewhere and I have no idea how much credence to give this blog, so take that FWIW.

Co-sign. Neal Pollack eviscerates ABC's NBA coverage and God almighty I agree. Everything from the consistently foo-foo theme music, which has gone from the Black Eyed Peas, Robb Thomas, Tom Petty, Pussycat Dolls -- can you find another collection of four "bands" in which the Black Eyed Peas are clearly in possession of the most street cred? -- to the awful announcing tandems to the standard ESPN-ization of the studio guys (before game five of Pistons-Bulls, Jon Barry, a man who is not SAS, said that Utah had "no chance" to take a 3-1 lead against Golden State and repeated it again with all the terrified conviction of a man reading a prepared statement provided by an Iranian mullah; you could almost see the black-hooded producer standing off camera and holding a gun to his child's head, Jack Bauer-style) to the infuriating -- INFURIATING -- tracking camera that makes it impossible to see a third of the floor, professional basketball on ABC is the worst production in all of sports. There is nothing positive about it. It actively detracts from the game in a way that single-camera indoor soccer or minor league hockey produced by Comcast Local do not have the resources to match. Whereas I'll watch just about any playoff game on TNT, unless the Pistons are involved anything on ABC is out of the question.

The camera is what really gets to me. I've spent 20 years watching basketball from the center court camera and I have never, ever thought "boy, I wish this camera was mounted on some sort of trolley and placed too close to the floor for anyone to see what was going on in the opposite corner." Everyone hates this thing. I do. Neal Pollack does. Bill Simmons (and Eric from Michigan) do:

• From Eric in Michigan: "Why did the NBA hire the director of 'The Blair Witch Project' to shoot the playoffs? It's nauseating to have the camera in constant motion."

Couldn't agree more. Trying to follow the action in Saturday's Spurs-Suns game made me feel like I had just dropped peyote with Tony Soprano. Did I miss the meeting where everyone decided, "Hey, the midcourt camera for NBA games just isn't cutting it anymore, our fans like it and they're used to it ... instead, let's use a really weird camera angle that makes them sick!"

Lord knows Salon sports guy King Kaufman has railed against it from the start. And as far as I know, no one has ever expressed any thing other than hate for the thing, real impassioned violent hate. I know whoever directs these things would like to be Roman Polanski or whatever, but know your role and show us the damn game. Practice your Coen Brothers shots on your own time.