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Monday, April 21, 2008

It's not my fault. Okay, so I'm logging on to facebook to play Scrabulous when I see this new feature they've implemented that lists a bunch of people you have mutual friends with, the hypothesis being that if you know a bunch of people person X also knows you probably know person X.

Yeah... not so much:

This is what happens when a number of your inter-friends are people who friend anyone with a tangential or actual connection to Michigan football.

I make it a strict policy never to dive into players' Facebook accounts ever since I think I got Marques Slocum suspended by pointing at his profile for injury information, prompting Orson to unearth the infamous/awesome "Fuck Lion" survey. The internet had a good laugh, Marques got nominated for Sportshuman of the Year, and I may have in some small way contributed to The Horror. Good job, Brian.

Except... except... scroll down and, well... I have gone over this particular profile with a fine-toothed comb and found nothing more untoward than holy rippling pecs, Batman, and his eligibility has expired anyway, so...

This is Chris Graham trash-talking a goat.

Also there is this. If the internet was a woman I would buy it a diamond ring and then scream "I love this internetwoman" in some bird-laden piazza and internetwoman would be embarrassed until I showed her the rock. Because women just care about diamonds. That's what advertising says.

Uh... I have a number of West Virginia blogs in my feed reader and it's been interesting to see their expectations for the new kid-friendly coaching staff. Since they are college football fans and it is spring, they are giddy. But for weird reasons. See this item thrown in amongst a bunch of aspirations:

I want defensive coordinators to literally shit their pants on the opposing sidelines wondering about our next play call. I want 430+ yards a game. I want Pat White and Noel Devine to both be in New York when the Heisman Trophy is awarded.
West Virginia's yards per game the last two years: 456 and 461. To that blog's credit, the post before that one is cautious about the idea of West Virginia's new offense, but that stands alone in a sea of bubble screen hating, complaints about predictability, and exhortations to throw it over the middle.

Hey! They're just like us. Except their team finished 50th, 5th and15th in total offense the past two years while Michigan was 55th, 38th and 68th. It's surreal to see these guys complaining about "DickFraud" (LOL!!1!) like he's Mike Debord. "New emphasis on passing" helps Pat White "progress" is the line being provided by the coaching staff, as if it's not natural for quarterbacks, especially running quarterbacks, to rely more on their arm as they age. As if Rodriguez never had Shaun King or Woody Danztler. As if a new emphasis on passing is necessarily a good idea when you average 6.15(!!!) yards per carry.

Yeah, Pat White got hurt and that cost West Virginia dearly, but you know what also gets people hurt? Hits in the pocket when your right tackle whiffs a block.

Jimmah! ... should probably just wear hats. The whole hair thing is not working out for him:

The good news: he won't have to worry about his hair much longer, because he's only going to have it another four or five years.

Zip. RB/slot recruit Michael Shaw is fast:

Event 2  Boys 100 Meter Dash Durham
Meet: m 10.20 1978 Eric Brown, Hampton VA
Nike Qualify: N 10.73
Name Year School Finals Wind Points
1 Shaw, Michael Trotwood Mad 10.39 4.9 10
2 Benton, Travis Redan HS 10.54 4.9 8
3 Spreads, Dantwan Dutchtown HS 10.67 4.9 6
4 Marshall, Brian Ooltewah 10.73 4.9 5
He is also fast:

Event 6  Boys 200 Meter Dash
Meet: m 20.90 1988 Kerry Wooden, Newport VA
Nike Qualify: N 21.69
Name Year School Finals Wind Points
1 Shaw, Michael Trotwood Mad 21.30 2.2 10
2 Myricks, Johnny Ooltewah 21.94 2.2 8
3 Seamster, Sammy Ooltewah 21.97 2.2 6
4 Boyce, Derek Webb School 22.24 2.2 5

The 100-meter time is a hundredth away from the Ohio state record, by the way. Also, "Sammy Seamster" and "Dantwan Spreads" are awesome names, as is "Ooltewah."

Ha-ha. The only thing basketball can possibly give me is schadefreude:
Bye-Bye Beverley? - That’s the jarring headline of Brandon Marcello’s latest Slophouse blog entry. According to the post, Patrick has been making some comments on his Facebook page that could lead some to believe that he won’t be with the Hogs next season, including “I’m leaving.” Apparently, though, the page doesn’t make it clear exactly what he will be leaving. But … Marcello says he ran into Patrick at this weekend’s Real Deal on the Hill AAU Tournament, and Beverley wouldn’t comment on the matter. That doesn’t sound good.
And no, he's not transferring here. No further movement on the Udoh thing other than he's home and thinking about putting another stake into the already-dessicated corpse of Michigan basketball.