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Thursday, May 19, 2005

You know that scene in a television drama wherein a new father exits the maternity ward, sits in a chair completely stunned, and contemplates on how his life is forever changed and it's just all so wonderful?

Yeah. That's how I feel except better. GO! Pistons has done that to me, especially because there are sites just like it out there that are even more gloriously bizarre.

First, GO! Pistons itself. I am indebted to reader Jessica Bailey for acquiring the translations of the text that accompanies the amigofriends. She is wonderful. Here we go....


The Pistons signboard player and the NBA rebound king. His trademark is his hair. If you wear a specially made wig, you can be like Ben too!


Came onto the team before the 2004 playoffs. A cheerful person, he is known as the king of vulgarities (cursing?) when he takes a penalty. I would love to put a mike on him and hear his conversation during the game!


The Pistons commanding tower. His index finger decides the movements of the players. A player that I like.


His best weapon is his long arms. The length of his arms when extended (together) is longer than 206cm. He is looking to be the king of his dunk shots.


Breathe-"ton-ton-tan (sound of dribbling)" (2x down, 1x side dribble)?shoot. This is his free-throw style. He is the central piece in the offense. The braids in his hair are great.


The great commander of the NBA and and extremely popular person/coach. His is pulled by teams from all over the U.S. He leads the Pistons to victory with a bold strategy and carefully thought out strategy.
What it says around his face is: To every corner of the U.S.--to the north, to the south, to the east, to the west.

Next up, a selection of images from Sumiko's Playground (original):

This appears to be a Phantom of the Opera version of the Pistons-Pacers series from last year. Hamilton is about to ravish an unwilling Reggie Miller. One more thing: this is the website of a Pacer fan!

Here's babelfish's translation of the accompanying text:

2004 eastern conference final. It is good to the GAME 5 lip which the series 2-2 receives in opposite, the sea urchin being done, with the foam/home the painful 3 defeat/miss eyes ペイサーズ 喫. This season, you do not draw and that to thinking whether also the て is good, in the setting which again draws the cliff っ ぷ ちseries the fool and the ろ of the... lip - -! ! However the ど - with it is good, the れ じ - the っ て, the dress matching too much... (crying laughing)
Did anyone play Star Control 2? If you did, is this not reminscent of the weird Orz fish-creatures?

From the sublimely bizarre to the just plain freaky:

That's from the same site and is definitely the scariest damn bobblehead I've ever set eyes on.


This is unbelievable. Phantom Rip is back along with a Frankenstein Ben and a Dracula Billups (I always thought his teeth were pointy), plus some sort of cat-thing Rasheed and a really depressed version of Tayshaun in his bathrobe looking like he hasn't washed for about three weeks. O'Neal is probably thinking "why is my head so big?"

And... this is indescribable...

Fantastic, especially because the rightmost bunny is definitely Vince Carter. Don't let Jackie Christie see this, though, otherwise he won't be able to play against the T-Wolves, Lakers, Sixers, Pacers, or Nets any more.

Now on to Forever Best Friends (original), which exhorts the Suns to "GO! THE SUNS!! BEAT DALLAS!!" This site is for the ladies. Let me show you why, baby:

Ohhhhhhhhh yeah.

You think that's creepy? You haven't seen anything, yet, especially if you're former Pacer guard Mark Jackson. If I were you, Mark, I would watch my back. Mostly because of this:

What? WHY? Why do you have such bizarre precious memories, Mark Jackson? There's Reggie Miller yet again. At least this time he's pissed off and not, you know, dressed up like a Playboy Bunny or about to lose his innocence to The Diabolical Rip Hamilton. That glow on your cheek looks an awful lot like a sniper rifle homing in on its target. You should have replied to that bizarre Japanese letter written entirely in blood, Mark! Wake up! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MARK JACKSON, WAKE UP!

Finally, we have an image of a very... surprised Mike Bibby.

Maybe next time you'll stay out of prison, Mike.

Okay, one last FBF item... are you interested in perhaps attending the "Meeting of the Nash friend"? Well, you'd better bring it and meet these strict requirements:
* Meeting qualification of the Nash friend *

* Liking the Nash play, there is no ginger.
* Liking the Nash hair type, there is no ginger.
* Liking the Nash FT style, there is no ginger
Seriously. There is no ginger. No goddamn ginger.

Finally, for Michigan fans... there is "Exhaustion Michigan sight," which proudly declares the Wolverinese to be the "2004 NIT CHAMPIONS!!!"

I'm done. I look at the world with newfound wonder, as if I was a child blinking in the light of day for the very first time. Thank you, weird little Japanese girls... thank you so much.