It's day two of our five day format-killing Ohio State blowout! Today: the coaches. A study in contrasts. One has a gruff exterior that hides a heart of gold, the other a gelatinous sheen that hides dark, tentacled horrors. Let science decide between them:
| Carr | Tressel | |
|---|---|---|
| "Could you maybe go to the gym or something?" | NCAA As Husband | "One of these days, POW, right to the moon!" |
| Advantage: Carr | ||
| Gruff imparter of wisdom | Uncle Genre | Creepy offerer of babysitting services |
| Advantage: Carr | ||
| No | Thought Maurice Clarett Was A Good Idea? | Yes |
| Advantage: Carr | ||
| Unfortunately necessary bridge between punts | Offensive Philosophy | What do you mean, "this isn't the Battle of the Somme?" |
| Advantage: Push | ||
| "I am a football coach." | What Attire Implies | "I take deleting things from my hard drive very, very seriously." |
| Advantage: Carr | ||
| Wildly schizophrenic | Treatment of Sideline Reporters | Robotically dullsville |
| Advantage: Push | ||
| Split | National Championship Drawback | Due to obviously phony pass interference |
| Advantage: Carr | ||
| Male | Gender | Yes, please! |
| Advantage: Push | ||
| 2 | League Championships since 2003 | 0 |
| Advantage: Carr | ||
| 1-0 | Record versus Penn State since October | 0-1 |
| Advantage: Carr | ||
| 1 | Head to head wins in 2003 | 0 |
| Advantage: Carr | ||
| Received spyware from the Accuser after placing Celine Dion album into CD-ROM drive | Relationship with Satan | Calls on a regular basis to ask for money and to assure him that the end times are nearing |
| Advantage: Carr | ||
| "I like 'em both." | Catchphrase | "I don't recall." |
| Advantage: Carr | ||
| Finding good homes for all these beautiful kittens | Offseason Troubles | Raising bail |
| Advantage: Carr | ||
So, there you have it, irrefutable scientific proof that Carr is vastly superior to Tressel. Carr in a blowout, 11-0-3. You can't defy science, unless you're from Kansas.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment