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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

...just because

Coming up in 30 minutes on Fox Sports Detroit: Good! Evil! Boring trap hockey! Exciting upbeat hockey! TONIGHT THEY GO HEAD TO HEAD! Join me for ridiculous spur of the moment overreaction(!)!

7:30 PM: Promo video points out the last three games have all been ties... super unsatisfying ties since Michigan managed to blow leads in all three. Fred Pletsch is rocking some hair product in a serious way. May as well use it while you got it, Fred. Hey, it's Shireen "Nude" Saski. Hi.


7:38 PM: Holy crap, Ruden is playing. And it's Lerg instead of Vicari. What the hell? Motherf***er. It's McInchak: powerplay over under set at 18.

7:43 PM: First chance to Tim Miller, but it's shot directly into Lerg's pads. No reaction from MSU as a Mihcigan forward takes a whack at Lerg... odd. Ugly start to the game as neither team an string two passes together. I mean, seriously... it's ugly. A lot of passes between the teams' defensemen.

7:50 PM: Er... in fact, Kevin Porter was not the captain of the Canadian team at the WJC, because he's not Canadian, play by play dude. McInchak is letting a lot of stuff go thus far... there were about three half-penalties on Michigan, though the Munn crowd isn't reacting to them too much. Ugly play continues.

7:55 PM: Goddammit, a brutal Hunwick turnvoer forces Ruden to make a slick pokecheck against a Sparta in alone. For someoe who's supposed o be our best defensemen he sure looks like Tim Cook a lot.

Okay, we're getting our ass kicked in the defensive zone with the puck, again. We're having major issues getting the puck out of our zone again... and there's another turnover... and another... and an icing. Where art thou, Eric Werner?


8:02 PM: Hey, there's a picture of a shirtless Booth and Hunwick in an embrace. Brokeback action!

This is ridiculous, by the way. We are totally incapable of clearing the zone, which is reason #1 that we are not a real national contender. In every game against quality opposition this year, about 50% of our breakouts end up in a turnover.

And, hey, Hunwick's going to the box. An excellent continuation of his stellar play htis far... oh, and are you freaking kidding me? Bailey freaking brushes a Michigan State player and gets a penalty, and Hunwick gets a retarded crosscheck. McInchak, you hack.

8:05 PM: Goddammit. Goal on the ensuing 5 on 3. Half Hunwick's retarded penalty, half McInchak's incompetence. Spectacular.

8:06 PM: They're reviewing the goal for some reason... I have no idea why. Replay at its worst: no reason to even look at this.

8:09 PM: Michigan kills the power play. It must be said: Hunwick has flipped out this year and gone from a solid player you generally forget about to a guy flying all over the ice, making things happen... often stupid things. He was better as a boring defensive defensemen.

8:15 PM: God, the replay of those penalties is brutal. McInchak lets everything go for a period then calls a tiny brush. Typical.

I know this is just a college hockey game, but I would appreciate if the announcers could actually talk about the game they're watching isntead of the conversations they had with the coaches, the NHL prospects of the players, and how this is a rivalry game so you can throw out the record books. Could I get the slightest hint of analysis, maybe? I'd like to know why it is that Michigan can't break out of the zone.

8:22 PM: 1-0 MSU after one on the 5 on 3 goal. Announcers: blah blah blah freshmen blah blah blah rivalry. Blah.

In summary: MOTS. The complete inability to exit the zone in an organized fashion condemns us to long periods running around in front of the goalie hoping something works itself out.

8:38 PM: Jesus... Hensick just got blowed up by a beautiful hip check. He jumped to try to avoid it and ended up doing a 360. Also: more ugly breakout attempts from Hunwick and Johnson lead to another MSU shot.

God... no wonder no one goes to Munn. MSU's still MSU even without Mason, playing brutal defensive hockey that's utterly unwatchable. This game has been about as enjoyable as a polar bear mauling. Oh... and another questionable call, this one a tripping call on MSU.

Power play is 1:20 of play in the offensive zone features one shot that actually reaches Lerg. Johnson then gets one on, but that's it. We now return to your regularly scheduled unwatchable even strength play.

8:50 PM: They're discussing Bailey leaving the game and mention that Hensick's skating with Fardig and Bailey tonight which is... er... insane. Hurray! Canned music at Munn! Your game experience sucks.

8:57 PM: Great, now the color guy is repeating the useless personal knowledge he dropped on us in the first period. God... this entire game is being played in the neutral zone. I'm just glad this crap doesn't work at all in the NCAA tournament.

Goalie interference penalty on Miller (MSU's version)... he was definitely helped along by Cook, though. Iffy.

8:57 PM: there's Hunwick and Johnson again getting beat, giving traitorous Bryan Lerg a breakaway and a goal. Totally unreliable defensively. Another MSU penalty.

9:02 PM: So, we've had two Michigan power plays and MSU has had three scoring chances to Michigan's zero. We seem content to pass it around until we're really sure that our shot is going to hit a Michigan State player before letting it go. I find this less than pleasing.

And now a Michigan penalty as the allow a 3 on 2. Is there something else I can watch? Hey, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy! Awesome! Now liveblogging gay guys making over straight guys.

9:07 Jack Johnson just gave the puck to the really, really gay guy. He loved it.

9:10 PM: Michigan manages to kill the penalty; then some guy on MSU's fourth line skates circles around Hunwick... what is going on?

Aaand another penalty, this one to Naurato. Okay... apparently this is no check all of a sudden.

Second period over, 2-0 MSU. Our essential crappiness as a team is coming to the forefront now... the one interesting thing the announcers said in the period is that Michigan has been outshot in 10 of its past 12 games. When was the last time that happened? 1986? The one constant you've always had with Michigan is that it would outshoot its opponents badly, even if they lost. Now they're spending most of their time feebling attempting to clear their own zone.

Er... Blogger is now giving me fits. I may not be able to continue, and what a shame that would be.

...and the cable's out. Whatever. I guess that's a sign: I'm out. Please don't kill yourselves. Unless you're a CCHA referee. Then go ahead.