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Friday, January 06, 2006

Mutterings abound in the aftermath of the Season of Infinite Pain, and they're coming from everywhere--mysterious message board !nziD0rZ, reputable newspaper people, talk radio ravers, and the maniacs that compose the bulk of all sports fans who bother to post on the Internet. In general, they concern coaches and their roles on the Michigan staff... or potential lack thereof. Rosenberg's latest contains a lot of unverified voracity that's nigh blog-worthy:

Lloyd Carr is about to do something about it.

Since the season ended, Carr has met with each of his coaches individually and told them he will make changes to his staff. That probably doesn't mean outright firings, but it will mean a significant shuffling of responsibilities.

Like demoting a coordinator.

Maybe even two.

This, coupled with natterings from the aforementioned insiders that hint darkly at things going bump in a "locked down" Fort Schembechler that is on edge unlike any time in recent memory, has the Internet fanbase a tizzy with rumors.

well the wind is blowing, where am i going
off a bridge and falling, nobody's calling
on the ground and laying, nobody's praying

why can't you be nicer to me?
A sampling:
  • QB coach, uber-recruiter, and all-around Boy Genius Scot Loeffler is being promoted to offensive coordinator. Or co-offensive coordinator. Or being given more responsibility in the offense. Or pissed off and about to leave.
  • Former offensive coordinator Mike DeBord, who went splat at Central Michigan, is going to retake the post or co-retake the post and is being set up by Carr as his designated successor.
  • Terry Malone is ceding some responsibility, or all responsibility, or has been shot.
  • Jim Herrmann has a silly mustache.
  • Also he may be relieved of his linebacker coaching duties, or his defensive coordinator duties, or just left to stand because that's how we roll. The mustache remains intact.
  • Defensive backs coach Ron English is either about to leave for the NFL, about to be defensive coordinator, or about to undergo a strange procedure that leaves him crippled but able to deflect passes with his mind, like that cat.
  • '07 uber-recruit QB Ryan Mallet of Texas has been told that Scot Loeffler will be offensive coordinator/mayor by the time he arrives and is polishing up for an unprecedented run of twelve Heismans.
  • Former coach Gary Moeller is coming back to be defensive coordinator or something. Yeah, far out, dude.
  • Ohio State is about to get hammered by the NCAA.
  • Bobby Petrino is about to be the new coach.
  • None of this will matter because Carr is still the coach and OMG LLLLLoyd is a LLLLLoser. oneoneone. two.
In short, all hell has broken loose. Up is down! Left is right! Cats and dogs sleeping together, mass hysteria! It looks like the only thing we can be sure of is that Notre Dame is really racist.* Hold to that one piece of knowledge in the swirling maelstrom of uncertainty ahead, my friends.

*(OMG joking, Irish fans.)