Goddammit, More ESPN, I Apologize

12:50. Press return. Also drill own head.

Dear ESPN, Screw You. AC Slater is going to be the co-host of a new show on ESPN2 called "ESPN Hollywood," which seeks to examine "the intersection between Hollywood and the sports world." This news makes me feel like the lead character in Pi. AC. Slater. Motherfu--

Mas Jack Johnson, mas. This time from the Worldwide Leader In AC Slater.

I choose to ignore the CFB content of John Walter's Campus Blitz because it involves Kordell Stewart. In non football-news, he claims poker is not a sport, which mgoblog is bang behind but then gives the dumbest reason I can think of to say so:

First, sorry, but it's not a sport. Name me a sporting event, which, no matter how many entrants you have, none of the world's top 36 players advance to the final. If I spotted you the top 36 golfers in the world at the British Open, for example, don't you think at least one of your 36 would finish in the top 10? I do. But at the 2005 WSOP's main event, none of the world's 36 best players (as ranked by pinnaclesports.com, which gave odds on the event) advanced to the final table. ... That says something about luck playing a role in the outcome.

And luck doesn't play a role in the outcome of almost every sport worth watching? (i.e., not track and field.) An mgoblog pet peeve is to completely dismiss the huge role of chance in sport. Everything is credited to something inherent, usually something really unbelievably stupid like "heart." No. Random stuff happens.

This why poker no sport.

The reason that poker is not a sport is that it's a card game. People like Tomer Benvinitsi can play it. Is scrabble a sport? No. Rock paper scissors? No. Golf? No. Quick "is it a sport" guideline: if being strong or fast aids you in no way whatsoever, it isn't a sport.

That's basically totally irrelevant. The reason I bring it up is to tell John Walters that he needs to read blogs more often. This is why:

Rarely does anyone criticize [Stuart] Scott -- at least not in print, or publicly -- because, I assume, they fear the backlash. "You just don't like Stu because he's ... a Tar Heel." No. That's not it.

Dude! Rarely does anyone not criticize Stuart Scott except fellow media members who all think he's a total idiot but never say anything about it. Anyway. He bitches him out pretty good, and that's a rather brave thing for a guy with a real job in sportswriting to do.

Shouldn't Fox Sports Net start a show called "ESPN Is Retarded" and just show clips of Stuart Scott and Jay Mariotti and Stephen F-- Smith and then make fun of them, Talk Soup-style? Wouldn't this instantly become the most popular show in history? Could I be more like Bill Simmons right now? In fact, someone call Simmons. This one's going on the Ocho.