BONUS Voracity: It's Gettin' Stale Edition

File under "unpleasant but intriguing mental images." So, there's this big huffy story about Jeb Bush texting Myron Rolle in the AJC. The article is a bunch of society-is-going-to-hell crabbing that buries the lede more than any lede has ever been buried before. The content of this text message follows.

I'm excited you're looking at Florida State. [FSU President] T.K. Wetherell and I are friends. When you come to Tallahassee again, let's hook up with each other.

Great leaping lizards! The mind's been boggling a lot lately, but here it goes again: locked in a dorm-room embrace, Myron fumbles at Jeb's belt, unsuccessfully attempting to free metal from leather. Jeb reaches down and brushes Myron's hands softly. "No... it's not right," says Jeb, moments before he makes the fatal mistake of looking deep into Myron's soulful brown eyes.

Jeb's resolve falters... he laments aloud (wait for it... wait for it...) "I wish I knew how to quit you." Myron's hands slither back to work; idle they shall not be tonight, but the devil's work they will do.

and... SCENE.

Recruiting tidbits! Expiring soon! Reason for rushed bonus voracity! Thirty Helens... er, seven recruiting analysts agree that Jonas Mouton will be blue:

Only two of the 20 Best in the West football first-team selections have yet to publicly proclaim their college choices with the first day of the national letter of intent signing period Wednesday. According to a consensus of seven recruiting insiders, Jamere Holland of Taft will sign with USC and Jonas Mouton of Venice will fax a signed letter of intent to the office of University of Michigan coach Lloyd Carr.

(HT: The Diag)

Also, there's this sketchy Dispatch article on Greg Mathews and his mother-buckin' mom. "Buck" as in Buckeye, you purient mother-buckers. It suggests that there's a chance Mathews will sign elsewhere tomorrow, but that's contrary to the conventional wisdom... and in the specialized case of recruiting, newspapers are always way behind the times compared to online sites. Breathe easy.

Etc.: Ohio State fans kill cripples and eat their brains! They also do bad stuff to the guys at the MZone! Bastards!