Unverified Voracity: Yes Yes Oh Yes Edition

Appearing on Judge Judy in the near future: Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer author Warren St. John? Yep. The owner of the RV featured on the cover of the book is suing for all sorts of pain and suffering caused by others thinking that St. John owns the vehicle. Or something. It's a ridiculous lawsuit, but ever since that Fulmer thing Alabamans (-ians? -ers?) are getting legally upitty.

However, it must be pointed out that St. John has exposed himself to another lawsuit, this one for Cruel And Unsual Punning:

This suit is toadly without merit.

Aaaigh! The pain! The suffering! I can feel the punitive damages gathering in my joints!

(via EDSBS)

You have to hand it to Dennis Dodd. Generally non-vagrants have a set of positive attributes that lead to their gainful employment and subsequent non-vagrancy, but Dodd manages to accomplish this feat despite a total lack of the aforementioned positives. His latest (...well, "interview" would be technically correct but fails to capture the spirit of the thing; let's go with...) sycophantic tongue-bathing of NCAA president Myles Brand is an outstanding example of his general uselessness:

Q: I thought your State of the Association was provocative and in some ways, brilliant. I don’t think there would be a lot of people that would utter those words: You can make money and still have an educational mission at the same time.

Which isn't even a question. It's more a USK*. So, Dodd says stuff like that and would be a strong contender in a nationwide Gollum look-alike contest... and he's not a panhandler? Well done, sir!

DawgSports and EDSBS have already savaged Dodd and Brand, respectively, so I'll leave you in their capable hands and second Kyle's call for a Brand-Orson tete-a-tete, in which the questions would be less like...

Your eyes bespeak a terrible lonliness. Has the absolute power you wield over mere mortals distanced yourself so much from the puny remainder of humanity that you can never love again?

A follow up: if the answer is no... well... you know. Of course you know.

...and more like...

You have ten seconds to explain why I shouldn't shoot you and f*** your skull.

I've advised patience re: APR enforcement before and still think that it is a step in the right direction, but it's hard to not abandon that position in favor of radical fire-breathing when confronted with the torrent of corporate-speak that comes from the NCAA at all hours of the night and day. Such nonstop doublespeak is reminscent of campus activist groups who were incoherent but very, very angry and very, very noisy. Sensing that any cross-examination of their position would result in the swift and permanent loss of credibility and an awful lot of stammering, the bullhorn types flooded the zone with so much noise that actual thought was impossible. (Yes, sort of like the White House -- now I have bashed both Republicans and campus lefties and may continue unmolested, si?)

So it is with the NCAA. Their rules are byzantine, archaic, and incoherent, simultaneously exacting and ridiculously lax. (Remember this?

In 2000, the N.C.A.A. began allowing high school administrators to determine the legitimacy of their own core courses. Three years later, the N.C.A.A. began allowing students to compensate for low College Board scores with higher grade-point averages.

Good times.) Instead of dealing with the multitudinous valid complaints directed at the NCAA, we get articles wherein Dodd is honored to pick the ticks from Brand's scalp.

Meanwhile, on "Mondays With Myles" the critical subject of discussion: the dangers of rushing the court. Because that's the most pressing issue we've got right now. Yep. Nothing else to address. Save the childrens!

*(Unicorn Soul Kiss.)

The power of Bilas compels me. Sure, he can be a bit sneery from time to time, but Jay Bilas is one of the best color guys in college basketball. He offers insight instead of cliche. I even forgive him for going to Duke.

Anyway, the power of Bilas compels me to claim fair use on a passage from his latest Insider column that had me mentally aping Meg Ryan ("YES! YES! OH YES!"):

Deserving of the NCAA or not? That's not the issue.Too many people are evaluating these NCAA Tournament results in a vacuum, and trying to justify inclusion or exclusion by virtue of this weekend only. Sadly, that is not the way college basketball works; it never has been and ever will be. Remember, there have been upsets in years past, and there have been bigger upsets in years prior to this one.

Has the Missouri Valley Conference justified its four bids? Were the Big East and the Big Ten overrated? Did Air Force, UAB and Utah State confirm they should not have been included in the field of 65?

The answers are no, no and no. ...

This tournament is about matchups and single-game scenarios. It is a completely new season, and everyone is 0-0. ... A lot of games have come down to a single play to determine the outcome. Nobody ever said these teams couldn't play. ... Heck, many teams in the NIT are capable of winning an NCAA Tournament game on a given night. That is not the point, and it never has been. When you get down to the end of the line in the selection process, the teams all look the same, and all of those teams have proven they can lose. The measure is how many good teams were on your schedule, and how did you do against those good teams.

Thank you, Mr. Bilas. Nothing is more annoying than hearing someone either trash or laud the committee based on the outcome of a single game. The problem with this year's tournament selection and seeding had everything to do with the committee ignoring common sense and years of precedent, and such things can't be wiped away by a weekend's worth of games where the weighted coin flips came out in such and such a pattern. But CBS employs a large number of broadcasters that don't understand sample size, or for that matter, the word "courage,"** so the grating of teeth is commonplace.

**(Weirdest call of the tournament thus far was in the Tennessee-Winthrop game, tied with something like three seconds left. A Tennesse player took the inbounds pass and threw up a fadeaway, falling-out-of-bounds prayer that was answered as time expired. The announcers then gushed about the UT player's immense courage to take that shot in that situation. Presumably the coward's way out was to stare at the ball, gibbering until the horn sounded. Or something. You could chalk this up to a momentary lapse of judgement, but only if you hadn't been listening to Cliches On Parade for the previous two hours.)

Warrior-poets practice, too. BGS has some relevant questions about the Irish as they head into spring practice.

Etc.: Steve Hutchinson is now the richest guard in the history of the NFL; Avant broke a hand at pro day and still hasn't run his 40. Yes, everyone hates those damned Applebee's commercials. It's not just you. They're making more, and I cannot urge this strongly enough: DO NOT EAT AT APPLEBEE'S. INCH has a Jack Johnson interview.