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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Yes, kids, this happened:

After an illegal U-turn, Clarett led police on an OJ-like chase from one Columbus suburb to another and then back before the cops managed to spike-strip his car. Clarett was drunk, wearing a bullet-proof vest, and in possession of four loaded firearms and a hatchet. The DJL Zone was there!

This is part funny -- a superfluous hatchet is funny in any circumstance -- but mostly tired and sad. Clarett is clearly even more deranged than the average player who chooses Ohio State and in need of (helpful prescription) drugs or psychiatry or both.

Question: what in the hell is Clarett still doing in Columbus? The entire city hates him after his sordid journey and revelations to ESPN (good job following up on those bad boys, NCAA!). He'd be better off literally anywhere else. Two-second pop pyschology: Clarett desperately needs any kind of attention, even raw hatred, and Columbus is the place he's most likely to get it. Hopefully prison treats Clarett better than life -- it can't be any worse.

Side note: Watching "American Dragon: Jake Long" right now. Jake speaks in a weird kid-ified Snoop shizzle speak. He's currently fighting an infestation of wedding-ruining gremlins by dancing something called the "hubba-hubba hula." It's working! GO JAKE LONG. Now he's rapping. CEASE AND DESIST.